I woke up at 5:30AM and the first thoughts in my mind were: “Who or what is driving you!?”As I pondered this question and begin to understand the validity of it as I moved through my morning rituals, I kept it in mind while I chanted (prayed) a vigorous gongyo (recitation of the 2nd and 16th chapters of the lotus sutra) and daimoku (vocal meditation of changing Nam myoho renge kyo ( I devote myself to the wonderful law of cause and effect) for an hour and realized that more often then not, my emotions are driving me.
If I am happy,I am full of wonderful expectation and when I am sad, I am low on energy and feeling like i have no clue or motivation. When I’m in love, I am only wanting to do loving things, but when I am angry, screw loving things, i’m am going to be miserable and isolate myself and wallow. But, You get my drift. As you can see, this question of what/who is driving me is an extremely valid one for my life, and probably for yours as well. So I was really wondering where the “MY” part of “my life” comes into this, and from as far as I can see, IT DOESN’T!
If something or someone is driving me, that means I am not in control of my life. I am not directing my life where I want it to go. I am not being all I want to be. Why, because I’m too busy reacting to all those external forces that are driving me. Funny thing is, I do remember when I was in the driver’s seat and made my life do what I wanted it to. Somewhere along the line, I loss that sense of direction and began doing everything but me, feeling powerless about my choices and my direction. It is so easy to get caught up in life’s circumstances and become a piece of flotsam on the sea of your life as one thing after another bombards you over and again and soon, you’re just drifting along trying to keep your head above water. There is so much more to life then sinking or swimming.
Life/Living is DYNAMIC! It demands to be lived, and until we take our lives into our own hands, we miss the boat, and in up fighting the tide of our circumstances. Today I remember, fully, energetically, dynamically, that I am alive and very much Captain of my ship and propel myself in the direction I want to go!
TOOT! TOOT! Full speed ahead toward the destiny of my choice!