When I first heard these words they vibrated in me like one of those old fashion Big Ben alarm clockes. It wasn’t the first part of this urban saying that set me to vibration, but the second half: CHANGE THE GAME, that woke me from whereever I happened to be sleeping (that’s spiritually sleeping). This was my new lease on life, so to speak. In a flash I had been empowered to take action and make the game mine, the way I thought it should be!
Usually my method of operation is to ignoire or more often engage in a big tug of war as I try to force others to get in step with me. Of course this is always futile because there is no way that I can change who they are or their foundation of belief by fighting with them about it. Of course they can’t make me play if I don’t agree and I always seem to find myself in agreement!
It is not that I intend to agree, but in fighing the dragon I become the dragon (Neitzsche); that is the very thing that I am distressed about is the exact behavior I adapt in order to “win” at the game. But for some reason, I always find myself the loser. I finally concluded (after years of missing the point) that they weren’t the problem I am. I had stopped being me to become an imitation them. I had done what I and my best friend Dorothy Collins always swore we would never do; become them!
It seems that when I run to the rescue of anyone I always end up becoming the target. So from my quiet righteousness of trying to share some enlightenment, I end up raging at the person I was trying to calm down. I step into their arena with gloves laced up tight, pepper spray in the form of a sharp tongue and beat the heck out of them. Now the problem with this, is that although I do it extemely, it is not my nature. This is what I had learned to become after taking so much cramp from others at the ripe old age of 28 yrs old. It seemed that at this time I blew up the dam that held back a torrent of anger, frustration and I’m just plain old sick of this mess. Well, you can’t beat them, join them.
Last year, when conflict arose on a regular basis within my home, I was forced to look at me as I have become. I was apalled as I had continued to paint this beautiful picture of myself,which kind of like the Dorian Grey thing in reverse. The picture was radiant, but I had become as ugly as possible; in my own realization. I began to back down from the arguments. I stood my ground over and over no matter how many buttons were pushed. After months of choosing to be the me I know, the tirades began to subside. Each time the verbal attacks again, I would announce emphatically: “I am not doing this!” With this rally I began to truly understand. I had changed the game.
Now allow me to tell you. This was no easy feat. More time than not I had to talk to myself the whole time with little questions in side my head: “Are you, you or are you him?” “If you are as loving as you believe you are than your thoughts, words and actions should reflect this.” “Are you thinking about acting unlovingly?” And so on and so forth. It took a while of being consciously aware of who I am in order for me to change the game.
As you can see, it is do-able. Once we introspect and look at the picture we’ve painted of ourselves (usually of a person who lived authentically long ago) and compare the picture to the reality, than make the choice to be as we think we are or desire to be and finally take the action to make the two, the picture and the person, identical, there is no doubt, we have changed the game.